Chinese Traditional Massage

Last week we went into Xiangtan proper (we live in Xiangtan, but on the campus- so we take taxis to get into the actual city) It was Doug, Allison Gamble, our friend Jacob and I. We decided to get a massage and Jacob took us to a nice massage parlor. When we walked in they all started jabbering to us in Chinese.  Allison and I usually respond with a blank stare, but Jacob, knowing a fair amount of Chinese, understood that they were asking us which massage we wanted. The lady pointed to a large sign indicating that our choices were listed on it. Well, understanding Chinese and being able to speak it is one thing, but being able to understand Chinese characters is another thing altogether. This can get very frustrating! When I’ve been in other countries and I’m not familiar with a word or a menu item I can easily look it up in a dictionary or figure out the general meaning using context clues since they all use the same alphabet. Here in China you don’t have that option, there’s no way to look up characters (unless you were already very familiar with them) so unless I have a translator/student with me, then what we order or choose is a surprise.

Jacob doesn’t know many characters so he just pointed to one and off we went. They gave us these mismatching flannel pajamas to put on that were too short in the limbs. The massage started off really nice then all of a sudden she folds my ear over itself and sort of…slaps it! It made this funny popping sound. I heard a similar sound coming from Allison’s table and then she burst out laughing. She moved on to my arms and hands then started popping my fingers in a strange fashion. Then she started pounding on my arms. She would place a fist on my arm, then slap it. It made a ridiculous sound so I felt pretty silly and Allison’s hysterical laughing wasn’t helping matters. She continued this pattern of deep rubbing and slapping/punching down my legs. Just as I would begin to ask myself why I was paying to get beat up, she would switch back to the soothing rubbing. Then before I knew it, start punching my legs again! Sometimes it really hurt! At one point she just sat and scratched my back. Now that was worth paying for! Who doesn’t like a good back scratch?  Needless to say, it was an interesting massage and much different than what I’m used to.

We met up with Jacob afterward and in speaking with his masseuse he learned that we had chosen the “traditional Chinese massage”. She asked him why because apparently only the Chinese tend to get this. He explained that he can’t read the characters so he just pointed to one. She thought that was pretty funny and told him to ask for “Thai style” massage next time- that’s what foreigners usually get. It sounds more like a Swedish massage. They wrote down the characters for “Thai Massage” for us for next time, we paid our $8 (yes, $8) and off we went.

Yesterday was Allison’s birthday so I thought another massage would be a good present. We didn’t want to take the time or energy to venture into the city again and I had seen a massage parlor on campus so we decided to try it out. When we walked in we were swarmed by about 8 excited employees. They all crowded around us, lead us to seats, brought us tea with beans and weird roots in it, and took our shoes. I pointed to my Chinese characters that said “We would like a Thai massage please” or something to that effect. One of the ladies made a phone call and handed me the phone. It was someone who could speak English so she could translate. She told me they were so excited to have us at their spa and were very happy to serve us! (isn’t that cute?) I told her we wanted Thai style massages and she said they only did Chinese massage. Great. I decided a Chinese massage was still better than no massage so we accepted.

Allison was cracking up from the moment we walked into the spa. It started out pretty normal and then she was digging into my neck/spine so hard I don’t know where her little body summoned the strength from! The translator raced over to the spa and came up to our room and tried to translate. I think she was trying to put the disks in my neck back in alignment or something. Then the pounding started, harder than the last massage. Periodically the translator girl would ask “Do you feel pain here?” I would think in my head “There’s someone pounding on my calf muscle as hard as she can, do you think I’m in pain?” But then I remind myself that sarcasm doesn’t make sense to them so a feeble “Yes..it hurts a little.” Would come out. She told me I was walking too much or something. We got some funny “advice” that was always preceded by “Traditional Chinese medicine says____” It was still a good massage but I’m pretty sore today! So those of you that want to visit China, please remember to stick to Thai massages :)

We met up with a bunch of other foreign teachers for dinner for Allison’s birthday last night. I’ll attach a picture from it below. I’m holding a piece of birthday cake, and as you can see- I’m very excited to be using a fork! Even if it’s miniature.